In Other Words

Cover Letter

There was an ad in the paper on Saturday for a position in a bookshop that went something like this:

Can you actually read and do you love books? Do you have Chutzpah and know how to spell it? Are you interested in a bookshop that wants to sell books to people that they will really, really enjoy? Have you got 12 months retail experience and do you like to have fun at work? Then bring a cover letter and your CV in to [shop name and address].

I wrote out a cover letter that was a little different from usual and since I don’t feel like writing an entry I’ve decided to put it on my blog.

Dear Manager,

Six out of seven isn’t bad, right? That’s eighty five percent, a pass in most books. ‘What’s this?’ You ask yourself. Well this is (about) the seven questions you asked in your newspaper ad:

‘Can you actually read?’ Yes, it would have been hard to respond to your ad by just looking at the pictures.
‘Do you love books?’ Yes, when I was young, my dad read me the Lord of the Rings trilogy in machine gun mode (sometimes enthusiasm can replace talent) and ever since, I’ve been a victim of the written word.
‘Do you have Chutzpah?’ After conferring with others and a dictionary (just to be certain), I can announce I have chutzpah, though I have no certificate to prove it. Is that a problem?
‘Do you know how to spell it?’ Of course I know how to spell Hutchpaz!
‘Are you interested in the bookshop that want to sell books to people that they will really, really enjoy?’ Absolutely, in fact one day I hope to write books others will really, really enjoy too. Till then, I’m content to sell them other people’s.
‘Have you got 12 months retail experience?’ Ehr, no. But I did study the theory of economics. Does that count?
‘Do you like to have fun at work?’ I would go so far as to say I like to have fun at everything I do. Though admittedly that can be a challenge, on occasions.

If you’re still reading at this point, then I’ve still got a chance with this highly unusual cover letter, so now onto the more standard form, who am I? My name is (the Dutch like to torture the rest of the world with their unusual names). Until last year, I was living in Singapore and have recently moved to Perth. If things go well (i.e. the government lets me), I’m looking to stay here for the long haul.

I’ve always loved books. I recently tricked the state into giving me a library card (around March) and since then I’ve read American Psycho, Naked Lunch, Oryx and Crake, Porno, In the Name of the Rose, The Magic Finger, Tai-Pan and am now making my way through Fabulous at Fifty. In the mean time, I’m trying to write together a short story bundle for publication (a sample can be provided on request). Back in Singapore, I maintained a monthly column in The Expat magazine (www.theexpat.com). Though I admit that does little to demonstrate my ability to sell books, I am rather proud of it, so I decided to mention that here anyway.

So why should you hire me? Let’s see, I’m a well-rounded, book-loving, and well-traveled guy who is looking to get more experience in the world of literature – so that I can give that much more to learn what needs to be learned, of course. And if you so happen to find this cover letter amusing, then I can confidently say that I have a good sense of humour as well. Lastly, I’m a person who loves to learn and grow, thereby making me well-suited to learn the innovative techniques that make [shop name withheld] different and, perhaps, better than the competition. So if you like what I’ve written, you may like to invite me in for a chat and see whether the words reflect the man. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing a positive response from you soon.

Sincerely yours,

___________
[Name withheld]

posted by Symbol @ 6.5.05